Technically, no one really NEEDS a coach. In coaching training, we are taught that our clients already have the solutions. They just need support to reach what they already know.

So, by that logic, if you have the right questions, you should be able to coach yourself.

Want to try being your own coach? Or find out if you need some extra support?

Drum-roll…pulling back curtain…

When trying to solve a parenting problem with a coaching client, I ask for some specific information to figure out a solution.

My problem-solving process is not magical. I just bring some perspective and expertise from my education and training. And patience, no judgment, support and encouragement. (That last part is my super-power!)

Here’s the info I gather from a client when we get started. If you want to try to wing it, go down this list of questions and see where you end up.

*Hint – if you get stumped along the way or you just don’t want the hassle of trying to figure it out alone, a free 30-minute consultation with me might help! Click here to email me or schedule that free session.

  1. What’s the issue?
  2. Why is it a problem?
  3. What button is it pushing?
  4. How are you showing up when this happens?
  5. What happens if you don’t fix it?


The purpose of these questions is to get you to dig deep and challenge what you think is possible. Working with a coach gives you dedicated time space to work out a solution and holds you accountable to follow through.

Let’s start!

Step 1 – Name the problem. I am going to use two different examples as we walk through these steps: (eg. I can’t get my kids to clean up their toys, OR my teen doesn’t listen when I ask them to put down their phone) – you get the picture!

Step 2 – Why is this a problem? (eg. because the house is a mess, OR because too much screen time is bad)

Step 3 – So what? What if you don’t fix the issue? (I might lose my mind or flee the country!)

Step 4 – What button is this pushing? (I can’t stand the mess, OR I’m worried about what they are into on their device)

Step 4a – What button is this REALLY pushing (this gets into some Values work–there is usually a deeper explanation about why you can’t just let this go) Want to learn more about your Values? Check out my Choose Your Boundaries Basic DIY, or schedule a consultation.

Step 5- How are you showing up when there is a problem? (I try to stay patient, but I just end up yelling)

Step 5a – How do you want to show up? (4C’s–you might need some work on Clarity, Consistency, Confidence or Compassion) Read more on my 4 C’s for Compassion© or schedule a consultation.

Step 6 – Why isn’t your technique working? (Missing a connection with your child? Is behavior typical for their age? Maybe what used to work doesn’t anymore?)

You might need some new tools. Maybe you just need a little self-care to bring a better version of yourself to the situation. Not sure? Ask me…

Step 7 – What can you try instead? What are you WILLING to try?

Step 7a – What if that doesn’t work?

Step 8 – Get to work. Make a plan, put it in place and evaluate how it’s working once you test it out.

If this process overwhelmed you, you might want to try a coaching session! It’s a bit easier when you aren’t playing both roles. Get a FREE 30-minute consultation to get going on a plan! Use the link at the bottom of this page.

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